The best way to share a book review of Know My Name by Chanel Miller is to use her own words. “When a woman is assaulted, one of the first questions people ask is ‘Did you say no’? This question assumes the answer is always yes, and that it is her job to revoke the agreement.”

Know My Name Book Review:

Know My Name by Chanel Miller is a powerhouse of a book is a must read for mothers of boys, mothers with daughters, fathers, sorority girls, frat boys, parents, teachers – see where I’m going here? This is a book that begs for discussion. To allow us to have uncomfortable conversations we’ve been putting off for too long. It chronicles the life of Chanel Miller, who shares her account of sexual assault at a Stanford fraternity party, and the years that followed.

To be honest, I was hesitant to start this book. As a survivor, I worried this book would be full of triggers and I’d end up back in years of therapy. But the book itself is therapy, as Chanel uses it to process all that happened to her in the weeks and years after her assault and allowing us that same time to process and heal. It isn’t angry. It isn’t vengeful. It’s more just sad. Why is the system set up the way it is? How much of this is ingrained in society as a norm? Why don’t we do more?

“We all have different ways of coping, self medicating, was of surviving rough patches. To deny my messiness would be to deny my humanity. I don’t believe there is such a thing as an immaculate past or a perfect victim.”

Chanel’s Writing Style

I loved the way she wrote, with beautiful prose and descriptions. She shies away from angry ranting and moves more internally to the profound sadness of all the ways this one act effects so many people in various degrees. She also dissects our legal justice system, our campus response teams, and even the treatment of victims by the organizations meant to help. It is in the quiet moments of this book that she speaks the loudest.

My entire book is so highlighted, written over, and underlined you’d think I’m writing my own essay when I’m done. But it’s just that good. That profound. It isn’t just for rape survivors. So much of what she speaks to in this book is more about overall trauma. The themes could apply to anyone who has suffered loss and grief and shame. And yet she somehow never loses hope.

“You have to hold out to see how your life unfolds, because it is most likely beyond what you can imagine. It is not a questions of if you will survive this, but what beautiful things await you when you do.”

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